My thoughts on mooches...

First off, this is my first blog and I've decided what better topic to discuss than the many burdens of mooches. Now I want to begin by declaring the text book definition of a mooch. Simply stated, a mooch in its verb tense is to borrow without intending to return or repay it, to get or take without paying or at anther's expense, to beg, and/or to steal. So based on this definition a mooching, or for the purpose of argument one who mooches i.e. a mooch, we are referring to one who borrows or takes with no intention of returning said item. The specifics of such an item can be money, food, shelter, energy...etc...the list goes on.

Now with the foundation in place my definition of a mooch, although rather vague, is as follows: someone who can be classified as lazy, jobless, and most likely useless. One who takes full advantage of someone's generosity without even realizing it. In my opinion, such mooches should even be considered stupid or worthless. A complete waste of sperm.

In modern times mooches often use a computer, are familiar with the internet, play or have played video games, and even have some form transportation, and thus broadening their possibilities of mobile mooching. So with both, the formal and informal definitions in place may I now specify the purpose of this blog.

1) If you haven't figured it out, I DO NOT LIKE MOOCHES!!

2) If you're a mooch, and chances are you probably don't know it, read my words... I DO NOT LIKE MOOCHES!!!

3) I have been living with a mooch for over a month now, therefore my patience for these worthless human beings is rather slim.

I want to elaborate on my hatred for mooching. First of all, get it together people! The days of sleeping over someone's house for more than a day or two is over. By doing so, whether you're a friend or boyfriend of a room-ate, you are just plain rude. If I have to see you everyday when I go to work, come home from work, go to bed, and then wake up the next morning then chances are you're probably over my house way too much. Get yourself together, get a paying job, find a place to live, and while you're at it get a life!!!! World of Warcraft, while maybe a good game yet I've never played it, but for the sake of argument and I want to level out the playing field, is not a career aspiration. Unless you're programming the next stages of the game or even marketing the game to other nerds and mooches, World of Warcraft is NOT A JOB! IT IS A HOBBY!!! And a rather lame hobby at that.

These people, I tell you, they are absolutely pathetic. I don't care what hard times you've come upon in your life. It's 2009 and two weeks away from the post-Bush era for the second time and if you haven’t noticed we are all experiencing hard times. But listen up pal, my house is not an apartment complex. If I have to get up every morning and go to work and earn a paycheck in order to pay to live with a roof over my head, then so do you. I don't care what my roommate has told you, if your name isn't on the lease then it’s not your place to live. GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!

Now I know I may receive a few comments from the billions of people who will read this blog regarding my unorganized rant about mooches and how its my roommate's fault and that I should work things out with her and blah...blah...blah..... See, I live with family and dealing with family is often a touchy subject. The rules of engagement for such mooches, or as I like to call them morons, is much different. I cannot just barge into my cousin's room and say, "Listen here Mooch, you need to pack you bags and get the hell out of my house!!" Although that idea would be rather pleasing and in any other circumstance I would be all over it, this is my cousin I’m dealing with and I have to be diplomatic.

Therefore, here is my plan....

1) Complain about mooches online.

2) Call in the Mooch's car to police for numerous parking violations.

3) Unplug the internet router and lock my door when I leave to work in the morning.

4) Pee in the Mooch’s shoe. I know it's childish, but it sounds so fun!!

5) Kick the mooch along with my cousin out of my house or at least give her the choice between my house or the Mooch.

Now these may not seem like the most logical choices for dealing with a mooch, but what the hell right, I need to do something. The world, although considered by many as too big, is actually way too small. There isn't enough space on this planet for mooches. Work for your belongings and quit begging! If you have enough money to buy cigarettes then you have enough money to buy a bottle of bleach and drink it. Do us all a favor and eliminate yourself for the gene pool. As I like to say, once a mooch always a mooch. And if bleach doesn't work then try stapling your balls to that piece of wood which holds together railroad tracks. Then just sit there until a train comes your way. I mean what else do you have to do with no job, no home, and no money? I think that sounds like a good way to rid the world of your mooching ways!!!!